Having a quarter life crisis moment

Do you consider yourself an adult? I don't. I still think of myself as a kid and people who are my parents age or older are the adults. Granted, I'm only 28 so maybe I'm not supposed to feel it yet.

But I have a mortgage and a car payment. I haul my ass out of bed every morning and go to work to pay them. I own a dog and I'm responsible for him, vet bills and all. I have to clean my own house and do my own laundry. I sometimes buy furniture and home decor.

All these things point toward me being an adult. However, then there's the other stuff. Like how I still suck my thumb or how I watch Spongebob Squarepants all.the.time. The other day I sat staring at a pen for 10 minutes trying to "move it with my mind". My mom yelled at me last week because I said fuck. I thought she was going to wash my mouth out with soap.

I guess the best way to put it is I feel like I'm 50 but I act like I'm 10 and don't want to grow up. Isn't it funny? When we're teenagers all we want to do is grow up fast but once we're adults, all we want to do is be kids again.

I can recall telling my parents, "I'm 15 years old! I'm not a kid anymore. Stop treating me like one." I couldn't wait to go out on my own and have my own place and do what I want.

Stoopid kid.

My wish came true. I am out in that big world and I can do what I want. No more bedtime for me. Uh uh. Ice cream for dinner? Okay. If I want to, I can watch porn all day long. Yes siree bob.

But I miss the simplicity of youth sometimes. When mom cooked dinner and all I had to do was the dishes. When Saturdays were to just loaf around or hang with my friends. When asking a boy out was giving him a note that said, "Will you go out with me? Check yes or no."

Now I not only have to wash the dishes but I have to do the cooking and grocery shopping too. Now weekends are filled with cleaning the house, fixing the squeaky door, going to Home Depot and wander around aimlessly looking for one of those long light bulb thingys that goes in the kitchen. Now to ask a guy out I have to work up enough courage to talk to him, rack my brain for conversation topics, wonder if my hair and makeup are okay, make sure I'm not sweating profusely, worry what will happen if I spit when I talk...or be really, really drunk.

Like they say though, "You can't go back," but it would be really nice if you could. Once I win the lottery maybe it'll be better. Until then, I'm stuck doing this adult thing.

Now if you'll excuse me, my ice cream is melting and there's video I have to watch.